Monday, October 6, 2014

October Craziness

It is crazy to think that October is finally here. I feel like it took forever for October to finally roll around. This is the month! Life is going to change in such a huge way for both Scott and I.

Our little girl is due exactly 3 weeks from today. Which means that she will be here in 4 weeks at the latest. (My doctor said they would induce me at 41 weeks if she doesn't come on her own.) I don't know if I really understand the impact this event is going to have on our lives.

Is this really happening?

The whole becoming a mom thing doesn't feel real. I know that we will be adding a tiny human being to our family, but I don't know if it has really hit me yet. I think being a little uncomfortable all the time has just become the norm for me. I still have moments that I forget that a little baby will be joining us very soon. Things are going to change over night, I will go from growing a human to being a mom. In a few weeks we will be bringing a little baby home from the hospital, one that we get to keep and raise all by ourselves. It just doesn't seem real yet, I feel her moving around in my belly all the time but she won't be there for too much longer, she'll be in my arms. I wonder if it still won't seem real even after she is here.

There are moments when reality sets in a little. It's crazy how many emotions are involved with becoming a mom.

Are we ready for this?

I like to make lists, pretty much any kind of list, to-do lists, shopping lists, lists of my goals, bucket lists... you get the idea. For the last several months I have been making list after list of things we need for the baby, things I want to get done before the baby comes, things I want to sew or make for the baby. This last weekend Scott and I went through our list of things we want/needed for the baby and finished checking off pretty much everything. As far as "stuff" goes I think that we will be ready for the baby to come (as soon as our packages arrive). I feel like this is a pretty big check off of my to-do list.

I was doing really good with the list of chores that I wanted to get done before the baby, but a couple weeks ago I caught a nasty cold bug and it totally wiped out my energy and motivation. Now we are getting down to the wire and my chores list seems like it is never ending. I probably could get through the list fairly quickly if I wasn't pregnant. I never realized how tiring it is to do things when you are 37 weeks along. Bending over, picking things up, moving around just isn't as easy as it once was. Hopefully in the next week or two I will have all of my "deep cleaning" projects done.

The second trimester was such a breeze, I had a lot of energy, my bump didn't get in the way, and I was overly ambitious with projects that I wanted to do for the baby. I finished a quilt for the baby while I was still in my second trimester and even made some matching burp cloths.  I started on the pictures I wanted to do for the nursery, but then the third trimester hit and I am just so exhausted some days. Over the last several weeks I finally finished the pictures for the nursery, now I just need to find the time to hang them up. The last thing on my "to-make" list is a blessing dress. My mom made my blessing dress when I was a baby and I love to sew so I thought it would be fun to make one for my daughter. The closer this girl's due date gets the more I am starting to think that she might just use the same dress I was blessed in. (Once the nursery is done I will post pictures of the quilt and pictures I made)

So we have the stuff, I'm making progress on the cleaning, and most of the nursery projects are done, but emotionally I don't know if I will ever feel ready to be a mom. I feel ready for her to no longer be squishing my insides, I feel ready to dress her up in all cute outfits that were bought for her, I feel ready to kiss her cheeks and cuddle with her, but I don't quite feel ready to take on the responsibility of raising a child. That's a lot of pressure, and it makes me a little nervous just thinking about it. (What if I am terrible at the being a mom thing?)

A little terrified

I guess it doesn't matter how long you have to plan for a baby to join your family, it's a little terrifying and overwhelming sometimes. I really like being able to plan ahead, and keep to a schedule and have everything go my way. We have this due date, but it doesn't really mean anything. The baby could come today, tomorrow, in a few weeks. There isn't really a way to make a "plan" when it comes to having a baby. That scares me, what if I go into labor in the middle of a meeting or  something?

I'm also a little terrified about breast feeding (Maybe TMI?) What if I can't do it? I know that I can always use formula, but for some reason the idea that breast feeding might not work out scares me.

The other thing that freaks me out a little, and maybe it's superficial of me, is the worry about how to lose the baby weight that I have put on. I haven't ever been a super small person, but I was doing really well and lost a bunch of weight right before I got pregnant. I'm really hoping that the people who say breast feeding helps melt away those added pound are correct.

This is so exciting!

Along with all the worries and to-dos we couldn't be more excited. We cannot wait to hold this little girl in our arms. We cannot wait to be her parents, and become a family of three. We are so excited to have a little girl of our own, and hope that we can  raise her right. We can't wait to see her little personality. I can't wait for Scott to learn how to change a diaper (haha). We are so excited to officially have the title of  "mom and dad."We know that there were be bumps in the road and this transition might be rough for a while, but we couldn't be more happy and excited for this little girl to come. Now we just get to wait...

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